Conversation Between A Lovestruck Girl In Turmoil And Her Adviser by Cecille Swayneson
Marine- This is taurus Marnie we werer talking on a sofa here in Florence! Help me with my capricorn
Angella - Hola Marnie, we will get you your CApricorn. On my way to NYC tomorrow but I’ll send “advice stuff” and we’ll talk soon. Hugs
Angela – Hola!! I just arrived in NYC not too long ago. It’s hot and I’m sweating like crazy. YES, it was wonderful meeting you, very cool chick. YOu are so articulate and have an amazing understanding of yourself so it won’t be too difficult to reprogram yourself when you are speaking with Mr Capricorn i.e., be mindful of what you are saying and doing. Let me know how everything is going.
Marnie - Angella!!!!!! How good to hear from you. I feel bad 4 not getting in touch 4 a long time but my love life came 1st. I was and still am pretty fucked up by it (i was born fucked up 4 sure but i am even more as I write). This so called relationship with the doctor went on since us 2 met but it absorbed most of my time and energies. Its funny you write now cause we r over. Mainly cause of my insecurities. Again. So your link will do me good I guess. Never mind i cant go on like this anyway…and he’s probably already seeing someon else (i have this feeling and it must be true). I will find some sort of strength somewhere, im sure, im a taurus, im strong. Damn. What the hell! I also never went to Paris, not yet at least. I will certainly remind you when its time…since u were supposed to come with me.. Take care of yourself and keep me posted. I dont have any pics 4 you but next time ill send one. Right now im skinny as fuck, not good..
Angella - Sorry to hear about you guys busting up again. Is he back with that drip of a chick? The one that’s always there to pick up the pieces. Well it’s not over till it’s over and somehow I don’t believe this it it. You both like to spar a bit so he or you will back for another go. But try to overcome your fear, and just chat with him, like you did with me. I know it’s easier said than done.
Remember men feel appreciated when they can communicate with a woman like a ‘buddy’ kinda like one of the boys. That’s why so many attractive men end up with basic, bland, business-like women. Have you noticed the pattern? These women spend a tremendous amount of time (because they’re not hot or chic like you) figuring out how to snag the guy, what makes him comfortable, what he likes, and then conveniently like everything. Could be a bit of a mummy thing for the guy. But we’re not going to go there. He feels supported when it’s just plain old fashion manipulation, it takes a lot of control to pull that off. Once she knows what button to push she pushes them, and he jumps and runs. Gives him the illusion that he’s in love; Good trick; this chick is caring, no nonsense and controlling. Hence the guy have no clue what’s really going down.
But you my dear aren’t like that, which means you are going to share your feelings,(be still my beating heart) what’s going on at work, who is a pain in the ass, how they make you feel etc and still maintain your spontaneity. If you loose your spontaneity you lose yourself. Not worth it. Hold on to what makes you interesting but not too brooding or complex to unnerve him. Remember control is not your middle name!! If it is TOO hard for you, think twice. I could back peddle and say,” if you have to adjust yourself (much) to fit him, he’s not worthy of you. And he’s a bore”.
Find out what he’s into aside from his medicine and doctor’s convention, where he wants to go, what turns him on and listen, listen. Remember your goal is to have a normal conversation without freezing up or drinking in between silence. Ask for advise about some nonsense that’s going down at work. They’re GREAT with advise, just don’t make up crap. Keep it real. All my male friends who are Cappy love beautiful clothes, homes, wine, they can also come off a bit superficial, but that’s only because they are. Ok, get to work and I’ll send some more tips. We can SKYPE also. Hugs xx
Marnie - Hola my new beautiful friend! How r things? Thanks 4 your advice. I met him the other nite or better…i met a friend of his who told me he had suddenly decided to get together with this girl he used to kind of see a while ago.
Blood came to my head, i went to where i knew i could find him, i opened up strongly and we went home together. He was very sweet and told me all he wanted was me and not her but i am a bitch and he needs support. Well i tried to explain my reasons that i cant deal easily with emotions etc..and i did not run away in the morning so i guess it went ok for once. I was me, hopefully not too heavy.
Anyways that was thursday. We were supposed to meet on sunday but there was a football match so he said today and today again he asked 4 wednesday, but nicely. He said he was at work. I was like OK lets see. Thats that. I thought i let u know. I feel like an idiot to tell u as we dont know each other that well and its kind of pathetic but im doing it anyway. Now tell me about you.
Angella - Responding to your e mail brought a smile to my face. Thanks. I’m working on smiling and laughing more, which is a rarity in my world at the moment. A pleasure meeting and listening to your story; reminded me of someone I know and the difficulties of letting go…to heartthrobs.
I totally backed out of loads of relationships. In retrospect they were all a bit crazy and I was petrified of surrendering. How cowardly. Afraid of what? A bruised heart/ego? Big deal. Obviously. How can one be free and fearful? Paradox. Probably there is the likelihood of raging passion within you that can be climatically thrillingly when all the stars are alined. And it terrifies you. Therein lies the fear. I am glad you opened up to me. Seem I can be very prophetic at drinks party. My mother once said I had psychic abilities but needed a drink to release it. Probably because I was a ‘stranger’ but we clicked immediately.
Just the way you spoke to me is the way you are suppose to speak to him and you did. Relax and TRUST because he was letting you know when he changed the dates with you . Just chill and wait. Be patient. This is unexpected for both of you. All you have to do is keep on being you…more transparent, trust and bow to your awesome self and have faith in people. Keep me in the loop. I’m sending you positive vibrations.
I like you my dear (even though) we don’t ‘know’ each other, but we do… deep down. The oneness quality the sages speak of. There is nothing pathetic about sharing your feelings with another human being, especially someone who supports you. Girl power can be tremendous. Sweet dreams and talk later. Hugs, Angella
Marnie – Hi again. Your email made me so happy!!! Its amazing. I wasnt expecting such words and sense. Dont get me wrong, I have already great admiration for you but you took a lot of time for me, writing and using just perfect sentences and this is lovely. While reading you I felt you got me completely and i felt all I need is to believe in myself a bit more…I think we were meant to meet if not to help each other out, at least, to share things. How are you? How was your weekend?
I am in Love now, i believe. From that time that I opened up with him, we are kind of inseparable, in a very sane way. Which is something now 4 me and I cannot believe after longer than a year longing for him, everything changed in less than 2 weeks.
The other girl is still in the picture. I cant be bothered to press him. I just made it clear that I am not happy about it but in a soft way. I dont know what to do. Right now he looks 4 me often and its enough 4 me. Maybe cause i was on my own 4 years ….u get me right?
So will see. Ciao 4 now and keep in touch! Baci
Angella - It’s so true that we need to believe in ourselves more. I’m making a list of my strengths and weaknesses. I’m having to think long and hard about my strengths.
There is nothing to do about the other girl. You guys are together and he may be saying somethings but his actions prove that he’s into you. So let him say whatever he wants to. She’s most likely a crutch to have around just in case you knock the wind out of him. You’re potent too, my dear.
Marnie - Im writing to u cause i have to ask u smth: when smth goes wrong with a man usually i take it on myself. Everything was going well until i got totally drunk one nite last week (he was with me) and i guess i was off my face and he didnt like it. He still took me home and stayed a bit in the morning but i dont rem much and i feel like shit. Things changed from then on. Is it possible that a man feels that way and so decides u r not worthy and dump u? It is, right? Anyway maybe its all about my insecurities….and nothing bad happened. Who knows?! I wish he got in touch, just to explain…but he would have done it by now, i guess. Im pretty sad.
Have a good weekend Angella and forgive my emails. Im just going a bit mad.
Angella - I’m so sorry you are sad and going mad. Try not to go under. Interesting and Bummer but (fixable (maybe) about what happened. I was going to suggest before receiving this e mail that you approach this relationship like the job you do in Milan and Paris. I assume a lot of focus and planning goes into aligning everything in place for a specific outcome. You most likely need an AGENDA to keep you in line when it comes to this relationship because the intensity can be so damn complicated and ego damaging to complex personality. This method is very difficult especially for women who are not normally calculating
(I am waiting in the Doctors office for a blood test so this e mail may be looooong).
Back to the catalyst for him getting turned off by your drunken dinner episode. You were nervous and overdid it even though deep down you should have been paying attention to your booze intake. It obviously got the top position over you and undermined your intention. Not making excuses for you but I totally understand because I have had booze issues myself. My self control can be disastrous to say the least under such circumstances. Being über mindful and a plan is not such a bad idea. But these are the way we eventually get it right with foresight, understanding and support from your shrink, friends, yoga and you taking charge of your life.
A beautiful sophisticated drunken lady can be very off putting to say the least. But shit happens to the best of us. Did you address the incident the next day and apologize? Not that it would have made a difference if he is hardcore on how he believes his girlfriend should act at all time. Give him time and don’t make a move – only speak to him if you did not address your behavior and address all the issues which contributed to the excess drinking. Be prepared to wait………
I feel your frustration and fear at not knowing yet having a vivid inkling that all is not well on the ranch. I despise avoidance and non closure because it makes you feel powerless and frightened, not a good place to dwell in.This guy most likely is extremely judgmental. Well obviously he is. We don’t know how MATURE and compassionate he is. What am I saying? He’s not.
Hang in and carry on- it- you will get better and stronger. Xxxx
MARNIE -Thanks 4 ur email! Well…i did call him the following day wondering what the hell went on the nite before and he was nice. He said I was okay and said a few stupid things but nothing unusual… He kind of made me feel good. So I thought that was all okay and maybe it is/was…and then something else went on. Maybe he simply realized he was not so much into me…i. Just wonder why he doesnt fucking tell me so..we r also friends and have so many friends in common…he should keep it sweet. I think its over but id love him to explain but he’s most likely a coward. Such a shame. Have a good weekend M
Marnie – Hey..u r not gonna belieeve it but its already over between us. I guess i was maybe giving away my feelings too soon and he might have gotten scared. Who knows. He has been keeping a serious distance since last week and last wedn we went out 4 dinner with friends and he didnt pay attention to me whatsoever. He went home to sleep on his own early and made a point to let me know that the following day a friend from florence (his ex)was coming over and he had to entertain her. All fine but i know he fucks her again from a friend we have in common whom he had spoken about it a little earlier… I am kind of surprised and i cried all my tears already. No point to run after him. I had been warned after all. Anyway maybe its all about my insecurities….and nothing bad happened. Who knows?! I wish he got in touch, just to explain…but he would have done it by now, i guess. Im pretty sad. Have a good weekend Angella and forgive my emails. Im just going a bit mad. Baci! M
Angella – Hang in there Marnie - He’s obviously not all that. Totally bourgeois and unforgiving. Terrible trait. His action reveal that he is rigid. You made one ‘mistake’ and you’re ditched. Because you are not perfect well neither is he- Most likely he fucked up a lot and was forgiven numerous times yet is incapable of doing so to others. His loss and your great escape…xxx