Conversation Between A Lovestruck Girl And Her Adviser by Cecille Swayneson
Marine- This is taurus Marnie we werer talking on a sofa here in Florence! Help me with my capricorn
Angella - Hola Marnie, we will get you your CApricorn. On my way to NYC tomorrow but I’ll send “advice stuff” and we’ll talk soon. Hugs
Angela – Hola!! I just arrived in NYC not too long ago. I ended up spending the night in a tiny town outside of Frankfurt.The airplane was late from Florence so I missed my connecting flight to NYC. It’s hot in NYC, sweating like crazy. YES, it was wonderful meeting you, very cool chick. YOu are so articulate and have an amazing understanding of yourself so it won’t be too difficult to reprogram yourself when you are speaking with Mr Capricorn i.e., be mindful of what you are saying and doing. Let me know how everything is going.
Marnie - Angella!!!!!! How good to hear from you. I feel bad 4 not getting in touch 4 a long time but my love life came 1st. I was and still am pretty fucked up by it (i was born fucked up 4 sure but i am even more as I write). This so called relationship with the doctor went on since us 2 met but it absorbed most of my time and energies. Its funny you write now cause we r over. Mainly cause of my insecurities. Again. So your link will do me good I guess. Never mind i cant go on like this anyway…and he’s probably already seeing someon else (i have this feeling and it must be true). I will find some sort of strength somewhere, im sure, im a taurus, im strong. Damn. What the hell! I also never went to Paris, not yet at least. I will certainly remind you when its time…since u were supposed to come with me.. Take care of yourself and keep me posted. I dont have any pics 4 you but next time ill send one. Right now im skinny as fuck, not good..
Angella - Sorry to hear about you guys busting up again. But it’s not over till it’s over and somehow I don’t believe it is. A man always feel really appreciated when he can communicate with a woman like a ‘buddy’. That’s why so many attractive men end up with plain/basic women because these women send a lot of time figuring out what makes a man comfortable and then talk to them like a ‘pal’. Which means you are going to have to share your feelings, what’s going on at work, who is a pain in the ass, how they make you feel etc. But most importantly Capricorn like talking about themselves and their plans… They always have big plans. So find out what he’s into, where he wants to go in his career and listen, listen and offer praise and advise, if needed. They’re GREAT with advise and such things. So ask for some. They also love beautiful clothes, homes, wine et el. I’ll send some more tips. We can SKYPE also.
Marnie - Hola my new beautiful friend! How r things? Thanks 4 your advice. I met him the other nite or better…i met a friend of his who told me he had suddenly decided to get together with this girl he used to kind of see a while ago.
Blood came to my head, i went to where i knew i could find him, i opened up strongly and we went home together. He was very sweet and told me all he wanted was me and not her but i am a bitch and he needs support. Well i tried to explain my reasons that i cant deal easily with emotions etc..and i did not run away in the morning so i guess it went ok for once. I was me, hopefully not too heavy.
Anyways that was thursday. We were supposed to meet on sunday but there was a football match so he said today and today again he asked 4 wednesday, but nicely. He said he was at work. I was like OK lets see. Thats that. I thought i let u know. I feel like an idiot to tell u as we dont know each other that well and its kind of pathetic but im doing it anyway. Now tell me about you.
Angella - Responding to your e mail brings a smile to my face. Thanks for this wonderful gift as I’m working on smiling and laughing more. It was a pleasure meeting you and listening to the storyyou were telling me because it reminded me so much of myself and the difficulty I had communicating with the men I really, really liked.
I totally messed up a lot of relationships because I was afraid of showing who I really was.I think it was more than that to be honest. I noticed I had great relationships with my girlfriends and gay friends and that they valued my advise and company. I started paying attention to what I was doing (being mindful) and I realized that I had a knack for sharing my feelings honestly with them. A lot of times they were laughing so hard they practically cried because a lot of what I was saying about myself related to them, their fears, frustrations, dreams, confusions, insecurity and desires and because I was so honest without being too heavy they felt comfortable to express or rather confess their issues to me also. This was very liberating for them (and me) and they didn’t feel so alone because someone was telling their story also and in that way our relationship became stronger with a lot of laughs thrown in.
Last week Tuesday I was at my psychiatrist and I told him about you. I said you were very honest and had a great sense of who you were and was confident and yet not so much when it came along to the man you really liked. It was interesting to to see someone who had their finger on the pulse of who they are and still not free to express them self to someone they truly feel they have a bond with. Again it reminded me of me and made me realize how wonderful we both are, yet not as aware of this quality as we should. This was amazing to see amazing people not fully getting and ‘owning’ who they truly are. I LOVE that you were courageous to go where you knew he would be and opened up to him. I would have peed myself.
How extraordinary brave of you.. You were willing to face your fears by seeking him out and speaking to him from the heart face to face. And look at that!! He didn’t run, he heard you and also realized you were telling him the things he longed to tell you. He ended up telling you more that you expected from him. I’m sure your head was reeling from his honestly. We all need support, nurturing, and most importantly a good, honest friend. There is nothing more comforting knowing someone ‘gets’ you and loves/like you for who you really are.
So this e mail is inspiring and lovely. Cool about you allowing yourself to be fearless in the name of love. You had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Even if it hadn’t gone the way it did. You would have won on a personal level because you identified and faced your fears. There is nothing more confusing than not knowing what your fears are because if you don’t know that, how can you face them??
It took me so, so many years tears, loss, confusion and frustration to figure this out. I am so glad I met you and that you expressed all that was happening with you. Probably because I was a ‘stranger’ but we clicked on a personal level. We helped each other in such a short time span. Life is incredible isn’t it?? Just the way you spoke to me is the way you are suppose to speak to him and you did. Relax and TRUST because he is letting you know when he changed the dates with you what’s going on. He just didn’t disappear without keeping you in the loop so this is very positive. Just chill and wait. Be patient. This is unexpected for both of you….. so believe.
All you have to do is keep on being you…more transparent, trust your awesome self and have faith in people. Keep me in the loop and I’m sending you positive vibrations. I like you my dear (even though) we don’t ‘know’ each other, but we do… deep down. There is nothing pathetic about sharing your feelings with another human being, especially someone who supports you. Sweet dreams and talk later. Hugs, Angella
Marnie – Hi again. Your email made me so happy!!! Its amazing. I wasnt expecting such words and sense. Dont get me wrong, I have already great admiration for you but you took a lot of time for me, writing and using just perfect sentences and this is lovely. While reading you I felt you got me completely and i felt all I need is to believe in myself a bit more…I think we were meant to meet if not to help each other out, at least, to share things. How are you? How was your weekend?
I am in Love now, i believe. From that time that I opened up with him, we are kind of inseparable, in a very sane way. Which is something now 4 me and I cannot believe after longer than a year longing for him, everything changed in less than 2 weeks.
The other girl is still in the picture. I cant be bothered to press him. I just made it clear that I am not happy about it but in a soft way. I dont know what to do. Right now he looks 4 me often and its enough 4 me. Maybe cause i was on my own 4 years ….u get me right?
So will see. Ciao 4 now and keep in touch! Baci
Angella - It’s so true that we need to believe in ourselves more. I’m making a list of my strengths and weaknesses. I’m have to think long and hard about my strengths.
Nothing could bring me greater joy to know that you and your ‘man’ are an item. I believe that’s AWESOME. How wonderful!!! There is nothing to do about the other girl. You guys are together and he may be saying somethings but his actions prove that he’s into you. So let him say whatever he wants to. It’s most likely a crutch to have around just in case you knock the wind out of him. All is well. I’m glad I met you because it reminds me how amazing and magical life can be. Best to you my dear. Angella
Marnie - Im writing to u cause i have to ask u smth: when smth goes wrong with a man usually i take it on myself. Everything was going well until i got totally drunk one nite last week (he was with me) and i guess i was off my face and he didnt like it. He still took me home and stayed a bit in the morning but i dont rem much and i feel like shit. Things changed from then on. Is it possible that a man feels that way and so decides u r not worthy and dump u? It is, right? Anyway maybe its all about my insecurities….and nothing bad happened. Who knows?! I wish he got in touch, just to explain…but he would have done it by now, i guess. Im pretty sad.
Have a good weekend Angella and forgive my emails. Im just going a bit mad.
Angella - Interesting and a Bummer but (fixable (maybe). I was going to suggest before receiving this e mail that you approach this relationship like the job you do in Milan and Paris. I assume a lot of focus and planning goes into aligning everything in place for a specific outcome. We have to have an AGENDA when it comes to relationship because they can be so damn complicated and ego damaging to our fragile personality. This method is very difficult especially for women who are not calculating normally. We treat relationships with not a lot of in-depth thoughts because we are so nervous and befuddled by our attraction we can’t think straight. We have to (me, you) assume responsibility as the amazing WOMEN we are and own that trait within us instead of acting like scared, not deserving little girls. (I am waiting in the Doctors office for a blood test so this e mail may be looooong).
Back to the catalyst for him getting turned off by your drunken dinner episode. You were probably nervous, as usual with him and overdid it even though deep down you most likely knew you should have been paying attention to your booze intake. It obviously got the top position over you and undermined your intention. Not making excuses for you but I totally understand because I have had booze issues myself. My self control and will can be disastrous to say the least under such circumstances. That is why you HAVE to be über mindful and plan each time you have important dates. But these are the way we eventually get it right with foresight, understanding and support from your shrink, friends, yoga and you taking charge of your life.
This guy most likely is very judgmental. We don’t know how MATURE and compassionate he is. Do you remember your actions? A sophisticated drunken woman can be very off putting, but shit happens to the best of us. Did you address the incident the next day and apologize? Not that it would have made a difference if he is hardcore on how he believes his girlfriend should act at all time. Give him time and don’t make a move – only speak to him if you did not address your behavior and address all the issues which contributed to the excess drinking. Be prepared to wait……… I feel your frustration and fear of not knowing yet having a vivid inkling that all is not well on the ranch at all. I despise avoidance and non closure because it makes you feel powerless and frightened, not a good place to dwell in.
Hang in and carry on- it- you will get better and stronger. Xxxx
MARNIE -Thanks 4 ur email! Well…i did call him the following day wondering what the hell went on the nite before and he was nice. He said I was okay and said a few stupid things but nothing unusual… He kind of made me feel good. So I thought that was all okay and maybe it is/was…and then something else went on. Maybe he simply realized he was not so much into me…i. Just wonder why he doesnt fucking tell me so..we r also friends and have so many friends in common…he should keep it sweet. I think its over but id love him to explain but he’s most likely a coward. Such a shame. Have a good weekend M
Marnie – Hey..u r not gonna belieeve it but its already over between us. I guess i was maybe giving away my feelings too soon and he might have gotten scared. Who knows. He has been keeping a serious distance since last week and last wedn we went out 4 dinner with friends and he didnt pay attention to me whatsoever. He went home to sleep on his own early and made a point to let me know that the following day a friend from florence (his ex)was coming over and he had to entertain her. All fine but i know he fucks her again from a friend we have in common whom he had spoken about it a little earlier… I am kind of surprised and i cried all my tears already. No point to run after him. I had been warned after all. Anyway maybe its all about my insecurities….and nothing bad happened. Who knows?! I wish he got in touch, just to explain…but he would have done it by now, i guess. Im pretty sad. Have a good weekend Angella and forgive my emails. Im just going a bit mad. Baci! M
Angella – Hang in there Marnie - He’s obviously not all that. Totally unforgiving. Terrible trait. His action reveal that he is rigid. You made one ‘mistake’ and you’re ditched. – Most likely he fucked up a lot and was forgiven numerous times yet he is incapable of doing so to others. His loss and your great escape.. xxx